A couple months ago, Gucci Mane released an awful album called Traphouse III. In lieu of an actual review, I celebrated the ridiculous collection of lyrics. Juicy J, following Gucci Mane’s footsteps, released a similarly awful album, Stay Trippy, just the other day. It’s never a good sign when a guest verse from Yelawolf on one song is the highlight of a 17-song album, but that’s the case with Stay Trippy. So, here is a collection of context-free lyrics from Stay Trippy:

“I get high like I’m 18, but I’ve been rich since the late 80’s”

I heard this line and I thought no way in hell. Best case, Juicy J has been rich since ’89. Could that be right? Well apparently Juicy J is 38, so I guess it’s possible. But what kind of money-making shit was he getting into at age 14? Maybe if I didn’t spend all my money on JNCO’s when I was his age I’d be bragging about the same thing right now.

“She put that ass up in my hands, I remote control it!”

I don’t think he knows how remote controls work.

“You only get to live one time, so I’ma fuck me a model”

Well, twist his arm! He says this like it’s a bad thing. I’m sitting here thinking “Well, I only live once, maybe I’ll finally try that new restaurant up the street.”  

“I only smoke the shit that get me higher (and higher, and higher, and higher).”

Is this okay now? I’m seriously asking. We don’t need to say what we are comparing things to anymore? This is an actual line.

“She treat my dick like a pistol, I treat her face like a target.”

This is as good a time as any to remind you that Juicy J is an Academy Award winner. If you think Academy Award winners like Juicy J and Daniel Day-Lewis are above having girls treat their dicks as pistols and in turn treating their faces like targets, you still have a thing or two to learn about the entertainment industry. Academy Award winners are people, just like you and I.

“Bad bitches want me, give me head like lice.”

I don’t think Juicy J knows how lice works.

“Juicy J I feel outta space, cause I’m getting higher than a satellite.”

At least we’re back to comparing things to other things now. Kind of a lazy reference, but we’re getting somewhere.

“Blowin’ loud, Juicy J be higher than the gas price.”

Another successful metaphor. And this one is pertinent! Obama and our good-for-nothing politicians are just sitting around, watching the price of gas skyrocket, and I am sick of it. It’s time for someone to stand up to this shit!

“Juicy J, Taylor Gang, I been rich since the ‘90’s.”

Hey, wait a minute! WAIT A MINUTE! Before, you very specifically said you’ve been rich since the late 80’s! I need answers, and I need answers now.

“Shawty pussy so wet, waterfall, TLC”

Juicy J – before you get too excited, and as great as this sounds on paper, you need to remember what we all learned from TLC about waterfalls, and what they really mean.

“You a college chick, you a college chick/keep twerking baby, might earn you a scholarship.”

We can only speculate about why Juicy J released Stay Trippy just a few days after Barack Obama toured New York State universities to talk about student loans, but either way, the student loan topic is a hot-button issue in today’s political arena. Thank you, Juicy J, for bringing this issue to the masses and keeping it in the forefront. But he’s not only putting pressure on lawmakers here, he’s offering hope: One way to avoid being weighed down by student loans is by earning a scholarship, and one way of earning a scholarship is by twerking.

“She wanna give me some ass, but the dick ain’t free”

Men everywhere should applaud this guy. I’m serious. I think I speak for most of the young people in Buffalo when I say that giving the dick out for free is humiliating and exhausting and there needs to be a line. This shit AIN’T CHEAP.

“Bouncing ass while I’m getting high as propellers on a helicopter”’

Imagine the brainstorming sesh for this gem of a line. “I’m getting high as…high as…high as…shit, I don’t know.” The other guy chimes in with, “High as propellers on a helicopter? I don’t fucking know. Does it even matter?"

“Freaky bitch, and she drippin’ wet, like a hurricane”

This somehow seems safer than a waterfall.

“I smoke that shit that made R. Kelly think that he could fly.”

It took a minute, but we finally made it. The metaphor to end all metaphors about being high. 

Grade: D