Boy, there’s just so much to talk about this week. Football is back, DMX has been wielding his penis in a threatening manner, R. Kelly’s got a release date for his new album (it’s November 11th), 2 Chainz is releasing a goddamn cookbook, and Lil Wayne sits down with Katie Couric again later this afternoon on daytime TV.
RE: Lil Wayne and Miss Katie, I must confess to some seriously hardcore ambivalence. I think if you see Lil Wayne during the day you should get some kind of prize, or at least a handshake from a supportive father figure to remind you that life is tricky and it does get better. For a long time, I wasn't sure he actually existed. I thought of him as a type of ghost story a bunch of rappers would recite to each other as a cautionary tale with each emcee adding their own personal embellishments to try and scare the shit out of everyone in the room. Like, if the Scooby Doo gang were chasing Lil Wayne, they’d pull the rubber mask off and it’d have been Kanye the whole time.
I eventually found out how wrong I was and had to come to terms with the concept of filthy rich adult men mixing prescription cough syrup with Sprite for recreational purposes. Remember when people would just get drunk as hell? On a more positive note, this is not the CBS Evening News’ Katie Couric of years ago. As her star continues to fall, we inch that much closer to these two eventually dropping a single together. Matt Lauer diss track? Matt Lauer diss track.
Alright, let’s listen to some rap.
Freddie Gibbs & Madlib - “Deeper”
Freddie Gibbs really is the best rapper from Gary, Indiana. Deeper (the album) is the third collaboration between Mr. Gibbs and his presumptive BFF Madlib, and here you have a title track to pass through the canal of your ear directly into your brain. What happens next is up to you.
Deeper (the album) comes out 9/14. Their next collaborative effort, Cocaine Piñata, is expected 2/14/14 with guest spots by everyone good.
But really. A cocaine piñata. I just… Man.
Eminem - “Berzerk”
And then Eminem came back on some vintage Slim Shady shit. I’m not saying it’s good or bad, but it does make me feel like it’s 1999. I could do without the extended Kevin Federline diss, but Em more than makes up for it by insulting both Khloe Kardashian and her disturbed husband Lamar Odom. I know the song was recorded before Lamar Odom’s awesome drug use was made public, so yeah, I guess, suck it nerd. Shady got yo’ ass with that perfect timing.
I never thought Khloe looked exceptionally terrible; however I learned a valuable lesson about how the public feels about her appearance when I told an ex-girlfriend I thought she kind of looked like her. I get that she’s clearly the Kardashian sister still in beta, by which I mean that someone did not work the bugs out before they released the software, but goddamn. Apparently she’s the Jack’s Links Beef Jerky Sasquatch and I had no idea.
MMLP2 is out 10/5.
You only get two songs this week, because when I go on hiatus apparently so does the entire rap industry. You don’t want to hear Eddie Murphy’s new single with Snoop Lion, Weezy’s 29 song Dedication 5 mixtape, or Meek Mill’s soft as hell Kendrick Lamar diss track. During a national survey, 9 out of 10 Charmin bears chose Meek Mill’s track as their preferred toilet tissue over other leading brands.
By the way, did you hear about Kim Kardashian wanting to pose for Playboy again? Kanye West is reportedly enthusiastic about the prospect, and I don’t even have a punchline for this joke. I just really want his ego to lead him to take over the shoot, eventually throw out all the pictures of Kim, and become the first male entertainer with an issue of Playboy showcasing his nude body on every page.
You're next, Hov.
Brendan Flake, ladies and gentlemen, destroying everyone's opinion of everything with his superior opinion.
Brendan Flake, ladies and gentlemen, destroying everyone's opinion of everything with his superior opinion.