Detroit, MI, is the newest location of our Buffalo boys, The Malones. After their run-in with a girl gang in Cleveland (see Episode II), this Robocop rendition at PJ's Lager House was a sight for sore eyes. The band rocked the pants off of Detroit. Brandon Schlia says, "We just walked off stage, and it was siiiiiiick." I think there were seven i's. Maybe there were more. He was quite excited.

Whoddathunk The Malones would be so translatable? We fuckin' did! Point two for Buffalo!

If the crew can make it out of Detroit, they will be making their way through Cincinnati for a gig at The Chameleon. Rumor has it there are wild packs of dogs that attack the residents of Detroit. There is one confirmed report and another denied report. I want to believe it's true, just because that's like some The Ghost and the Darkness, Stephen King, SyFy shit right there. And also, an allusion to Modest Mouse's "Wild Packs of Family Dogs."

In what Brandon calls a city that "looks like the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse [with] a lot of windowless masterpieces of architecture", I half expect Batman to come swooping through to The Malones' rescue. I feel like a pack of stray dogs might could take on Batman, but old money almost always wins.

TO BE CONTINUED...

With a face like that, it's clear to see why some gangster-ass pre-teen girls would want to threateningly play and hide-and-seek around The Malones and Aircraft's travel trailer.

This just in: a very drunk bunch of white boys are assessing the city of Cleveland and a group of girls that could potentially bring trouble into the parking lot of an apartment complex where the band has parked the van and trailer. A theme for their stay in Ohio is that Cleveland is the home town of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. We all know they go hoooaarrdd. Shit, Flesh-n-Bones spent ten years in prison for some crazy AK-47 action. Our friends are in peril and Malones' front-man Steven Floyd is disillusioned and posing like Betty damned Page.

Will the boys make it through the night? Will they need to stand up or back down?? Will the young girls bring out their homeboys and make a mockery of their manhood?! More on the gang and their misadventures to come.