Showing posts with label straight whiskey black coffee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label straight whiskey black coffee. Show all posts


S.W.B.C. R.I.P


I predicted something so-so.

We got a bloodbath.

We tore up the lawn. We defiled the neighborhood. We brought down most of the rest of the ceiling in Jeff's basement. And under all the drunk and the dust and the smashed drywall, there, too, lies a shard of my restless, idiot soul.

I suppose we all died a little that night. Aside from the thousands of brain cells cooked crisp and lifeless in deepfryer whiskey bottles and beer cans, a few of us, maybe, are a little older, a little wiser, a little more hollowed out. Maybe.

I suppose, too, anything we do is killing us - at least a little - because, instead of doing one thing, we're on another, and we've only got so much time. Instead of spinning the same records again and again, I could be listening to something new and potentially life-altering. Instead of watching TV, I could be learning Spanish or running a marathon or ending poverty. Instead of ripping through eighteen beers and a bottle of whiskey, I could be fighting or fucking or learning to play the bass better so that, next time, we won't be so sloppy.

But this time, there isn't a next time.

This time was it.

Straight Whiskey Black Coffee played our last set. It was a mess. We warmed up and tore into the first song - it was loud, at least, but even though we were on the same frets and more or less the same beat, at least one of us was crushing all the wrong notes. Unbeknownst to my drunk ass, the nut on my bass had come unglued, yanking everything out of tune. By the end of the set, Haggus and I had to stare each other down, droopy-eyed and slumping, to stay in time with one another. Our guitarist was great; the singers were on fire, despite knowing only a few of the words. But that was all right - the crowd didn't know them at all. All the mob wanted was to get half-naked and slam into each other, slick-chested, nipples spiked like the tips of heat-seeking missiles fired from a tailspun fighter jet.

At least we made people lose their minds a little. At least they danced.

That was something.

* * *

Haggus left. Dear old Haggus. He's headed out west like a zit-strewn pale horse and is sure to wreak untold destruction wherever his miasmic ass settles. I wish you all the best, you miserable disease. And to those who find themselves caught in the wake or, Heaven forfend, the resting place, of his bubonic cloud, I'm sorry. Haggus is your problem now.

God knows, Cubatown found itself in the awful throes of a body ridding itself of a longtime affliction. The townsfolk called in their babes and shut up their horses; they turned out the lights and drew their blinds to wait out the terrible madness that whirled around them.

It was like the meeting of a derranged cult. Dressed in the ragged uniform of the devout, those heathens not in the basement ripping down the ceiling were dancing around a firepit like bloodthirsty acolytes, sucking down beer - and inhaling pizza and wings - as if, with enough noise and debauchery, we'd awaken some ancient god to come down and obliterate us all. And maybe we succeeded. My memory, at least, is wiped almost clean by a spooky and otherworldly hand.

We spit, we yelled, we threw beer cans and trash on lawns and probably kept more than a few people awake a lot later than they'd have liked. Sorry, folks. Won't happen again.

You know it won't, because Haggus, that fountain of shit, is gone now.

* * *

There's a little bit of us that disappears every time we meet someone; and we give so much of ourselves to other people in our tiny, peach-tender lives, whether we want to or not. Most of the time we only give and get the slag and lime that hides our rust-and-ruby hearts; but there are those who manage to steal away with a few precious pieces. I'd ask for them back, those caratwights of soul I've lost to you borrowers and thieves, but I'm no better.

How much have I got left? How much have you taken? And how much have I stashed in cracks and behind false walls? If I've got the scale to measure it all, I haven't met the woman or man who knows how to calibrate such a complicated piece of junk.

So I'll drag it around, whatever I've taken and whatever I've got left, and when I'm called forth to answer for my filthy looting, I'll know just how much is in the bag.
 

~Photo by R. Jeffrey Proctor    


Straight Whiskey Black Coffee: An Ode To Mediocrity


Sometimes it's ok to start a band and not want to be bigger than Jesus.

Sometimes it's ok to play music without any message or greater aspiration than to feel the unbridled and simple joy of making a hell of a lot of noise.

Such is - and, about 36 hours from now, will have been - the case with Straight Whiskey Black Coffee, a dumb-as-rocks punk band started six years ago in a living room in Fredonia, NY, and which was never meant to last longer than the end of the college semester.

We were all right. Haggus, our drummer, kept a beat most of the time, but a meth-addled orangutan could have played better fills. I played bass - and still do - like an idiot crab made of thumbs. Travis had no idea how to play guitar. He wasn't much of a singer either, but he was the best of all of us, and he got the job. Our best reviews came when he broke a string and had no backup, so he just started punching people. Or when he wrecked his amp and had no backup, so he just started punching people.

Our first show was a disaster. We weren't ready. We started songs at different points, jumped into choruses that didn't exist or verses that belonged to other songs entirely, and addressed the crowd with weird, jittery banter, like, "sorry, guys, we'll be out of your neck in a minute." Cross-armed and stock-still, they were clearly not feeling us. At one point, I said something like, "I want to see you fucking dance!" To which one replied, "play better music!" 

Touché.

According to friends at the show, the best moment came when Travis blew the bass amp he was running his guitar through. That, at least, made the noise less shrill.

So we went back to the living room, practiced, retooled our set, and, by the third gig, we'd hit our stride. The one when Travis snapped a string and punched a kid's glasses off. I'll never forget looking up from my fretboard (because I'm a mediocre bassist and I only stare at my fretboard) to see Travis sock this straight edge dude with thick-rimmed glasses straight in the face. Dude stopped dancing, picked his glasses up from the floor and then stood, wide-eyed, mouth agape, with two halves in either hand. Just when I thought dude was ready to throw down with our singer, his his face curled into the biggest goddamn grin I've ever seen on a perma-sober victim of assault. "That was awesome!" he screamed, and danced on.

Even though we weren't headlining it, that guy later made a point to come to our (supposed) final show - in the basement of 99 Custer Street - a ring of tape bridging the crack in his glasses.

Not bigger than Jesus, but it was about half an hour's drive for him.

That was something.


* * *

This Saturday will be our for-real final show. We've been trying to get the band back together, as nostalgic never-has-beens often do. We had an ok run. But it's time to put this one to rest. This will be our last chance to make it big before Haggus moves across the country, Travis continues his big boy job five hours too far away for a godawful punk band, and I - well, I don't know. I'm thinking of starting an experimental noise project. Crabthumb, maybe? If any of you know an ape with a meth habit, sent it my way. I need a drummer.

Any talent scouts in the audience are sure to pick us up. If that's the case, I'll see you losers later. Buffalo, the West Side smells like farts after it rains and the Bills and Sabres suck. "Anonymous," your comments are generally snide, unhelpful, and pissy, and I never wanted you to read my posts anyway. Mac, you're a tool. I never liked you. 

But even if Straight Whiskey Black Coffee don't break out before we break up, I won't be that disappointed. For one, I've got Crabthumb. And a lucrative music blogging career (right, Mac?) And, in the end, we've done exactly what we'd set out to do: start a band, play a few shows, and create a thing that, at least in the lives of a few of us godless heathens, was bigger than Jesus.

That's something.


P.S. I doubt very much that anyone reading this will want to trek out to the sticks (an hour and a half from Buffalo) for what really is just a filthy basement show. First of all, you'll all be at Duke's for buffaBLOG's summer bash, which promises to be the best damn party going that night (right, Mac?) Second of all, these basement shows exist in a legal gray area and, though this particular venue has never been shut down, we'd like to keep it invite-only to better our chances. If, for whatever reason, you're dying to come, you can email me, josh@buffablog.com, for directions. Otherwise, watch this column for drunken recollections and/or public apologies.

Go Bills.