Am I the
only one out there? Okay, I’ll be more specific. Am I the only one out there
who, when the day is drifting by slowly, stares longingly out the window
thinking about the glorious return of Outkast? I’m not talking about the Speakerboxx/Love Below Outkast – no,
hell no. I’m not even talking about Stankonia
Outkast. I’m talking about Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik
and ATLiens Outkast; that period
in the mid-nineties when they were at their raw, southern-stank best. But since
Andre 3000 has been largely quiet in the music industry, spending his time
working on his acting career and facial hair, and Big Boi seems content doing
his own thing, I worry I might be waiting in vain.
It’s too bad, because although
these guys don’t really seem to need each other anymore, I do. And I suspect a
lot of other people need them also. There’s never been a better rap duo than
the two of them. I mean, have you heard “Player’s Ball?” Nobody – nobody! –
plays as well off each other as ‘Dre and Big Boi did.
I listened to Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors, Big
Boi’s slightly less wordy follow-up to 2010’s Sir Lucious Left Foot…The Son of Chico Dusty. Was it good? That’s a
really tough question, and before I answer that, I need to ask myself a
different question: If this wasn’t Big Boi, and it was some random
up-and-comer, would I have enjoyed it? The short answer is no. I would’ve hated
it. There are parts of it that are just tremendously awful. That should take
care of that, right? Well, it’s more complicated than that. Since I’ve
professed my love for everything Outkast in the above paragraphs, I was
determined to sift through the garbage that is this album and find something
good. That turned out to be a tall task.
The biggest problem is that
there are songs on this album that I actively despise - the third track, “Apple
of My Eye,” for instance. “Gimme one reason why, gimme one reason why, why,
why…you’re the apple of my eye,” repeats the chorus over and over, and I wanted
to reply with, “Gimme one reason why, gimme one reason why, why, why…I
shouldn’t throw this CD out my window right now and run it over multiple times
with my car.” The 7th track, “CPU,” has a similar problem. “And it’s
you that’s on my computer screen, cuz it’s you that’s on my mind,” repeats the
chorus in this one. What does that even mean? Is Big Boi masturbating to a girl
he likes? I don’t understand. The biggest shame is that the beat in this song
is actually pretty sick, but it’s done in by the utterly cringe-worthy chorus.
I counted 4 good songs on this
CD, and keep in mind, that’s factoring in my furious, lifelong attempt to like
everything Big Boi does. “She Hates Me,” featuring the dependable if not
remarkable Kid Cudi, “Lines,” featuring A$AP Rocky, and “Mama Told Me,”
featuring Kelly Rowland are among the highlights of the album. This may be a
good way to sum up everything up: One of the strongest songs on Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors, an
album by the second-best rapper in Outkast, features the second-best singer in
Destiny’s Child.
The best song on the album is
the second track, “The Thickets.” The first track amounted to nothing more than
a long intro, so this was really the first song on the album. Forgive me for
having been excited for a moment; this is the closest Big Boi came to that
dirty, mid-nineties brilliance I’ve always loved. Unfortunately, he does not
sustain that quality of rapping throughout the rest of the album.
If I told you that I liked this
album it would be a pretty vicious lie, and if you hear people talking about
how much they enjoy it, they’d be guilty of spreading a dangerous rumor. It’s
just not good. It’s that simple. Leave this one alone.
Grade: D+
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