Lady Gaga's disembodied head sings a song, and it's time for the party to begin.

All award shows are basically about the spectacle more than the awards, but that's never more true than with the MTV Video Music Awards. No one remembers who won anything at the 2003 VMAs, but everyone remembers Madonna kissing Britney. This show is just about watching famous people do crazy shit. And the 2013 edition did not disappoint.

First off, let's talk about the absolute trainwreck that was Miley Cyrus. She awkwardly twerked, and super-awkwardly pretended to masturbate with a foam finger. It was at this point that Robin Thicke came out and sang a snippet of "Blurred Lines." Once this happened, 2 Chainz and Kendrick Lamar came out, but it was far too late to salvage the performance. Miley's failed attempt at both singing and dancing were so pathetic that she retroactively let Britney Spears circa 2007 off the hook.

I love that the NSYNC reunion lasted for about 30 seconds of what was primarily a tribute to Justin Timberlake's solo career. It's his world, and those other four gentleman are simply squirrels trying to get a nut. It was nice of JT to give them a shout out in his acceptance speech though.

I could have used a bit more crazy from Kanye. His performance of "Blood On The Leaves" was suitably intense, but I missed the special effects that marked his performance of "New Slaves" on SNL a few months back.

What made less sense, Shailene Woodley introducing Miley Cyrus, or Jared Leto introducing Kanye? I'll go with Leto, because I honestly can figure out what the hell he was even doing there.

Last night was a rather depressing reminder of how irrelevant rock is to mainstream music right now. I'm pretty sure the only guitars of the night were provided by Bruno Mars backup band. Apparently, when neither The Black Keys or the Foo Fighters make an album, that means rock is invisible.

How about that Bruno Mars light show, eh? Has he been hanging out with Wayne Coyne lately? I dug his new single, too.

Daft Punk were only on to present? Super lame. They should have picked Colbert instead.

Can we all agree that Kevin Hart talking about Lady Gaga's ass was just funny? Please?

One Direction did not have the best song of the summer by any stretch of the imagination. But they do have the most rabid fanbase, so this was to be expected.

What was with the one dude in One Direction wearing a Joy Division t-shirt? Like he has anything to be gloomy about it....

That Katy Perry finale was beyond cheesy. Not as bad as Miley, but still. Can the dudes in Survivor sue her? God I hope so.

Why did MTV insist calling "Roar" her "biggest hit ever?" It hasn't been out long enough to really be a hit yet. Plus, "I Kissed A Girl" and "California Gurls" were both way bigger. I guess they just figure that repeating something enough times will make it true.

Another fine mess, MTV! Can't wait for next year.