When I started writing this, we were in the late afternoon hours of the first day of Miley Cyrus #RatchetGate (thanks ?uestlove), and the first hours of this media/social media meltdown have been one for the books. We had the outrage of the public scolds, talk about the death of Hannah Montana, and the impact on the children, a media firestorm that enabled the media to show clips of the offending performance repeatedly, the feminist critique, and vital discussions about race and white appropriation of black culture on Twitter. My initial reaction was amusement because the whole thing was remarkably skeevy and unsexy for a pale imitation of what Britney and Christina had done a decade prior, but my second reaction was "whoa Nellie, that's pretty racist."

Blame Public Enemy, Ralph Ellison, City Honors, AP English teacher Mr. LaChiusa lending me The Autobiography Of Malcolm X, or #BlackTwitter, but my racist radar went off during Miley's Twerkfest. The stereotypes, the sight of Miley playing ringmaster to a circus of black women, the minstrel show put on and officiated by the former Hannah Montana, and the outright appropriation of "hood" (her word) culture for the former child star's coming out as a sexualized pop diva... the whole thing was rigoddamndiculous. But predictably white folks like Mika Brzynzski got their Tipper Gore on, leaving the more outrageous offense and timely issue to the folks on #BlackTwitter, while other white folks thought Miley's performance was A-OK.

I'm not suggesting that those white folks are racist, but shit, this isn't helping. This hasn't been a banner year for race relations in this country, and for white feminists, the Tipper Gore set, and the rest to be frankly oblivious to flagrant racism (in the form of a spectacle no less) presents further proof that we've got a looooong way to go before it's Kumbaya time. Thankfully New York Times critic Jody Rosen stepped up early to give Miley shit for her racism for Vulture (The 2013 VMA's Were Dominated By Miley's Minstrel Show), but otherwise it seemed like most white folks missed it. Jeff Meirs almost touched on the racial issues at work at the VMA's... in MTV's Justin Timberlake hagiography, but otherwise didn't go there in favor of a larger critique of pop culture.

But here's the kicker, near the end of Rosen's piece:


Now Miley Cyrus's hipster bonafides are certainly up for debate, but the concept of hipster racism is distressing and depressing. Yes. Congratulations white folks, you're killing hip. It was bound to happen, really, anytime you get that many white people together, that something fundamentally uncool would happen, and killing the concept of hip appears to be it. Because racism isn't cool and it certainly isn't hip; in fact racism is the exact opposite of the concept of "hip." Shit, what is hip if it isn't being hip in the original sense... as in down with black folks and black culture? Whether as an expression of rebellion to the "square" status quo, a show of solidarity with the oppressed, honest appreciation of another's culture, or Talking Heads doing a cover of Al Green's "Take Me To The River" on More Songs About Buildings And Food, hip was about communication, secret communication, and building bridges. It wasn't about being an ironic racist, or being casually blind to outright racism, which is definitely not as bad as outright racism but again, it's not helping.

Lady Gaga's disembodied head sings a song, and it's time for the party to begin.

All award shows are basically about the spectacle more than the awards, but that's never more true than with the MTV Video Music Awards. No one remembers who won anything at the 2003 VMAs, but everyone remembers Madonna kissing Britney. This show is just about watching famous people do crazy shit. And the 2013 edition did not disappoint.

First off, let's talk about the absolute trainwreck that was Miley Cyrus. She awkwardly twerked, and super-awkwardly pretended to masturbate with a foam finger. It was at this point that Robin Thicke came out and sang a snippet of "Blurred Lines." Once this happened, 2 Chainz and Kendrick Lamar came out, but it was far too late to salvage the performance. Miley's failed attempt at both singing and dancing were so pathetic that she retroactively let Britney Spears circa 2007 off the hook.

I love that the NSYNC reunion lasted for about 30 seconds of what was primarily a tribute to Justin Timberlake's solo career. It's his world, and those other four gentleman are simply squirrels trying to get a nut. It was nice of JT to give them a shout out in his acceptance speech though.

I could have used a bit more crazy from Kanye. His performance of "Blood On The Leaves" was suitably intense, but I missed the special effects that marked his performance of "New Slaves" on SNL a few months back.

What made less sense, Shailene Woodley introducing Miley Cyrus, or Jared Leto introducing Kanye? I'll go with Leto, because I honestly can figure out what the hell he was even doing there.

Last night was a rather depressing reminder of how irrelevant rock is to mainstream music right now. I'm pretty sure the only guitars of the night were provided by Bruno Mars backup band. Apparently, when neither The Black Keys or the Foo Fighters make an album, that means rock is invisible.

How about that Bruno Mars light show, eh? Has he been hanging out with Wayne Coyne lately? I dug his new single, too.

Daft Punk were only on to present? Super lame. They should have picked Colbert instead.

Can we all agree that Kevin Hart talking about Lady Gaga's ass was just funny? Please?

One Direction did not have the best song of the summer by any stretch of the imagination. But they do have the most rabid fanbase, so this was to be expected.

What was with the one dude in One Direction wearing a Joy Division t-shirt? Like he has anything to be gloomy about it....

That Katy Perry finale was beyond cheesy. Not as bad as Miley, but still. Can the dudes in Survivor sue her? God I hope so.

Why did MTV insist calling "Roar" her "biggest hit ever?" It hasn't been out long enough to really be a hit yet. Plus, "I Kissed A Girl" and "California Gurls" were both way bigger. I guess they just figure that repeating something enough times will make it true.

Another fine mess, MTV! Can't wait for next year.