The Great Wall of China is an ancient fortification, built milleniums ago by a countless number of Chinese workers who were lucky enough to survive the construction. It is easily the most iconic structure in the world.
Here is a picture of Justin Bieber being carried up its steps, because Justin Bieber is a dickhead. He is (arguably) looking at his phone, while being carried up the steps of The Great Wall of China. Forget about him disrespecting this insanely important and awe-inspiring monument, because that can probably be forgiven. But he flew across the world and went through whatever it takes to physically get to The Great Wall only to decide, upon arriving, that he couldn't muster up the energy to climb up its steps. That's completely ridiculous. If he did it just to be a baller, then fuck him. But if he did it because he actually didn't want to walk, that suggests a deeper, sociopathic problem.
Tonight, Justin Bieber is gracing Buffalo with his presence. You can expect a late start, a couple of really awesome outfits, and probably a lot of unsolicited praising of Jesus. But seriously, I'm pretty pumped that Justin Bieber is in town. It's rare, in this quiet city, that we get to witness the rapid implosion of a star right before our eyes. Have you seen him this year? Between threatening to "beat the fuck out of" a cameraman while being "held back" by his bodyguards and, in a separate incident, spitting in the face of a neighbor who confronted him for driving too fast down the street in his leopard-print Audi, the kid's had a tough go of it in 2013. Not that any of his behavior or antics have totally come to a head, but he was forced to defend himself in May when he was booed during the Billboard Music Awards as he accepted an award. During this "acceptance speech," he reminded everyone that what he did was a craft and that it shouldn't be treated as a gimmick, which as we all know, devalues the word "craft" and is an insult to the word "gimmick."
So folks, get excited! My fearless prediction is that he won't be back in Buffalo until after rehab, so tonight is your chance to see the pre- born-again-Christian Justin Bieber for the last time. Tickets are still available, too! As of this writing, the cheapest tickets available on Stubhub are $85, which is just disgusting. Hot Chelle Rae and Mike Posner are the opening acts, in case you haven't vomited already.
If you look up top at the tabs of this blog, you’ll see one that says “store.” When you click on the store tab, you will see a buffaBLOG T-shirt for sale. It’s a great shirt, but if you are still undecided about buying it, here are some true facts that might sway you to get one.
- There once was a band called Plain White T’s. After this shirt came out, they became Gray buffaBLOG T’s.
- Bieber Fever is out there and it is real, so be safe and wear protection. These shirts are 99% effective for preventing Bieber Fever.
- The price of these shirts is so good, not even Chris Brown could beat them.
- The Bare Naked Ladies saw these shirts and couldn’t help but wear them so they are now known as Ladies.
- ZZ Top wrote their song “Sharp Dressed Man” about a man wearing a buffaBLOG shirt.
- Adele did write her album 21 about a boyfriend that broke up with her however it wasn’t about him leaving. It was about him leaving while wearing her buffaBLOG shirt.
- They liked this shirt so much, Dem Franchize Boys are making a remix of the following song as "buffaBLOG Tee.”
In my column last week, I may have revealed a bit too much about myself when I mentioned that I enjoy Jesse McCartney's smash single "Beautiful Soul." Hey, what can I say, it's a guilty pleasure. What's funny, though, is that I couldn't stand that song when it came out, and I was completely convinced that Jesse McCartney was the worst thing to ever happen to popular music. Why did I feel that way? Maybe because I was jealous of the stuck-up cheerleaders in my 9th grade math class talking about how he "looks like a good kisser" while refusing to give me the time of day, but I don't think that was the only reason.
When a new pop star enters the fray, it becomes cool to reject them, and whatever image they are trying to project. There's a desire to let everyone know that you're above whatever the major labels are trying to shove down your throat this week. This isn't without justification; a lot of pop music is disposable trash, and it's unfortunate that it's going to get all the airplay and hype while more serious artists don't get as much attention.
Still, a lot of disposable pop tends to sound better over time. My guess is that had I been around in the 80s, I would've rejected Tiffany as being a manufactured music industry creation, but in the present day, I love her cover of "I Think We're Alone Now," and while I realize this might not be a popular opinion, I actually might prefer it to the original by Tommy James and The Shondells. The thing is, once a pop star fades away, and is no longer part of the music establishment, there's nothing to fight against anymore, and we could just take their songs for what they are. And usually, those songs are pretty fun.
For instance, I'm not particularly fond of Justin Bieber. Dude just rubs me the wrong way, possibly because he says the word "swag" every 3.2 seconds. Also because he's four years younger than me and he's worth $55 million. You know, a lot of little stuff. The thing is, I'd be lying if I said he didn't have some songs that I genuinely enjoyed. "Baby" is ridiculously catchy, and "Boyfriend" was one of the better mainstream singles last year, in spite of the rather awkward line about fondue. The thing is, I tend to enjoy these songs a lot more once I divorce them from Bieber. I dislike the concept of him, but the songs he comes out with tend to be solid enough,
Hating pop music tends to be about hating the concept of pop, and the shallowness associated with it. Hating the music itself is more unlikely. If all the people who claimed to despise top 40 radio actually felt that way, it probably wouldn't be the dominant form of music. We claim to hate it for the same reason we claim to hate all those reality shows that rank among the most popular shows in America: we want to sound smart. We want to reject what strikes us as being mindless and worthless, when really, a lot of us tend to enjoy it for that very reason. Only when this entertainment ages - and the people who gave it to us aren't famous anymore - can we admit that it actually wasn't that bad. So, in ten years, "Baby" will come on at a party, and I'll dance to it unironically. For now, though? I hate that guy.
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