1) Don't Suck.

If your band sucks, you're probably not going to pull off a cool cover. Stop what you're doing now, and get back into the rehearsal space. Or: get a real job, Slacker.

2) Be Creative With Your Selection

So, you want to cover Pink Floyd? Then why did you pick “Wish You Were Here”? Don't go with a band's most famous song, because someone else has probably already done it, and they probably did it better than you. Be creative. It doesn't have to be an obscure B-side; go with a song that's well-known, but not so well-known that everyone is sick of it.

3) Make It “Yours”

There's no reason to go note-for-note on a cover. There are bands that do that for a living: you used to ignore them while they pounded out soulless disco hits at your hometown's Fourth of July celebration. Or maybe you got drunk and thought it was cool that the band at your sister's wedding played John Cougar Mellencamp perfectly. How would you have felt about it if you weren't drunk? Right? If your band is just replicating a song, then you need to step off, go buy Guitar Hero, and leave everyone alone. Otherwise, if you're in a metal band, maybe leave the acoustic guitars at home and go balls-out on your “Dust in the Wind” cover. If that's your thing.

4) Remember: It's Not Your Repertoire

If your band pulls off a decent cover, there's a good chance some of your fans will want to hear it again some time. Then, at a future show, if the audience is being a good audience, treat them to it. Don't let a particular cover become a mainstay that's so embedded in your setlists, you forget that you didn't write it.

5) Make Sure Original Songwriter is Dead

The original writer or performer of the song you cover should be dead. Or the band should have broken up. Or the band SHOULD have broken up (you know what I'm talking about). Whatever the case, if you got your friends to throw down ten bucks to see you butcher a Death Cab song at Mohawk Place, when they could have paid a little more to see the actual Cuties butcher it around the corner, then you're just fucking with their heads. And their wallets.

6) Learn “Free Bird”

You know That Guy: the one who shouts “Play Free Bird!” at a band that's visibly not in the mood for That Guy. What you need to do is flip it on him. When he shouts “Play Free Bird!” at you, actually do it! Actually play all 74 minutes of this all-too-often "requested" classic. See if he ever does it again.

7) Don't Cover Queen. Don't Do It.

Freddy Mercury is probably the best rock frontman ever. Brian May is untouchable on guitar. And John Deacon and Roger Taylor are about as solid as a rhythm section can get. Just stating the facts here. Chances are, you are not Queen, and wont be able to do them justice. This rule applies to karaoke, perhaps even more so. Don't embarrass yourself, Buddy. Queen is off-limits.

8) If It's Halloween, Get In Character

A while back, I saw The Disaster at an all-ages Halloween show. They came dressed up in jeans, leather, and black wigs. The singer got on the mic at the beginning of the show and announced, “We're the Ramones, we're from New York City,” and then they hammered out a handful of Ramones songs. It was pretty cool. So, yeah. Do that.

9) Respect Yourself

I'm tired and I ran out of ideas. So this is just a rule for life in general. Respect yourself. And be nice to others. Okay?

10) Drunk?? Go For It!

So the venue is packed, and everyone at the place is, like, super wasted. Now you can get away with whatever you want! If the mood is just right, a band can ignore all of these commandments, and even bust out a note-for-note rendition of “We Are The Champions.” Imagine it! The people will go nuts!

OK, that's it, that's the end. OK, now let's watch some Queen together.