Kanye West is in the news again this week after his record Yeezus, set to hit shelves tomorrow, mysteriously appeared on the internet for everyone to steal. I suppose this would be shocking if we weren't living in 2013 and I didn't just teach my dog how to torrent, but we are and I did. Even 'Ye appears to be taking it in stride. The usually brash MC was reported to have been seen handing out copies of the album from the trunk of his sports car over the weekend in Chicago with the help of a beautiful phoenix from the far edge of the galaxy. There has been no word from the Kardashian camp regarding West's alleged infidelity, and since very little of what you just read actually happened, that is expected to remain the case.
Elsewhere in the Wide World of Hip Hop, Jay-Z (Kanye's friend from that one song) has announced his 12th studio album with an anticipated July 4th release date. The title? Magna Carta Holy Grail. We are fast approaching the dual reveal of Kanye West and Sean Carter as angels of the highest choir, wielders of terrible power and boundless compassion, nurturing whole worlds from their breast while destroying others in the same instant with their flaming swords. Expect them to throw back the curtain on their next joint album, No For Real, Though. We’re in the Bible sometime soon.
Chris Brown feat. Aaliyah - “Don’t Think They Know”
Chris Brown has a song with Aaliyah, the singer best known for her work in the vampire masterpiece Queen of the Damned. Unquestionably one of the finest movies of the last twenty years, Aaliyah’s turn as the vampire queen Akasha proved to be the film’s greatest achievement, somehow outshining the contributions made to the soundtrack by Korn’s Jonathan Davis.
Of course, she’s dead now, so that makes her the perfect candidate to put out a song with the undisputed champion of remorseless dickheads, Chris Brown. If you’re a woman and you absolutely have to make a song with this guy, it’s probably in your own best interest to make sure you’ve already died before you do it. Good on her, I guess. I listened to a very respectable ten seconds of this song before I threw my laptop to the floor in a fury. Let me know your personal score in the comments section. If anyone can get through the whole song, find me and I’ll apologize to you in person.
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - “Stay at Home Dad”
I was going to savage this song. Reading the title, I could smell blood in the water. I was so excited to type “Macklemore takes his first steps toward irrelevance,” but this track is Officially Not Bad. It’s actually pretty funny, and Mr. More (not his name, probably) has done a fine job building on the success of "Thrift Shop" in a way that hasn’t made me want to uppercut him a single time.
Pusha T feat. Big Sean & 2 Chainz - “Who I Am”
If you want to know who Pusha T is without listening to the song, spoiler alert: he’s a drug dealer. Which is too bad, because Pusha T would be a hell of a rapper if he could ever stop talking about selling drugs. There’s no hope at all for 2 Chainz, however, and it’s always nice to hear Big Sean rap down to everyone else’s level.
Freddie Gibbs - “Freddie Soprano”
I’d be willing to bet Freddie Gibbs doesn’t really brush his teeth with Hennessy. The 30 year old Gary, Indiana MC (thug life) has a new one coming out on July 9th and in the grand tradition of Getting You Hyped, here we have one of the better tracks to feature a seamless Die Hard reference only seconds before rapid-fire murder threats and bit of fun at the expense of Kobe Bryant’s achilles tendon. You may find yourself involuntarily nodding your head to the ID Labs production on this one, what with the going hard and all that, so I strongly recommend avoiding the corners of coffee tables if you’re listening to this as a toddler.
Joey Bada$$ - “95 Til Infinity”
Remember when I said Joey Badass’ Summer Knights mixtape would be out on the 12th? I was wrong! Due to reasons I actually don’t know or care about, we should see it pop into existence on July 1st. Unless it doesn’t. As a consolation prize, "95 Til Infinity" does just fine. When Badass spits “I’ll do your girl like this beat, straight fucking it up/Ya’ll niggas nothing to us/This feels like nothing to us/Son, taught your daughter how to bust a nut for fun” you realize the rumors are true and he really is quite popular with the ladies. You have to figure that’s about as gentle a come on as can be expected from a young man who partially spells his name with dollar signs.
Schoolboy Q feat. Kendrick Lamar - “Collard Greens”
This dude is going to be so rich so soon. Schoolboy’s album Oxymoron fast approaches, and with “Collard Greens,” Q reminds us why he’s poised to blow up and have sex with our girlfriends. In fact, that’s basically the general message here. Kendrick Lamar has an extended verse with a few bars in Spanish, the essential point of which being that some sweet little thing is getting the D because her boyfriend sucks. Bummer! Listen to it fifteen times and then buy your lady a present. It may already be too late.
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Interesting, me likey!
You do realise that Macklemore song is over 3 years old? It's not new at all.
Then the rest of the internet got it wrong, too. Props for being a Macklemore superfan.
I love the music food picks!
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Big fan of the heavy sarcasm keep it up